So drunk its hurt
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
