I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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