And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
