I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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