You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You ruined the universe
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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