I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I could have mohawked her pubes.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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