i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you would pick up someone in the library
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
