Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
