it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
