She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
