I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
