i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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