Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
