If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
