he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
