After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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