and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
