thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
