Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We were destined to go to rehab together
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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