I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
