Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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