This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In other news, I just burned my penis
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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