Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They have beer where we have blood.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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