Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
