I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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