Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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