Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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