3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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