Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
