What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
