I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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