Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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