He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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