after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
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