Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
