apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
