sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
