I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
