no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
