just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize