Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I intend to get homeless drunk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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