Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
