Already got asked if we're dating
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
