An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
