Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
