Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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