I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
