he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
