Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
