He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
