just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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