just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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