Nicole vs. Life
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
