I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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