Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
