the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
