I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
