saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
