almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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