That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
