they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
