dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize