I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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