If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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